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Jokes to bring a smile

14363 Views 327 Replies 23 Participants Last post by  TheDarkKnight
I think this Forum needs a Joke section.

I'll start:

Brian lives in California. He was sick of the world, of Covid-19, Inflation, Russian belligerence, China, global warming, racial tensions, high crime, school shootings, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Brian drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle.

Two days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Brian from the car.

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.​
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· Premium Member
2017 CRV Touring - Pearl White w Black Interior
9,585 Posts
Did you hear ?
They'er not making 12 inch rulers any longer.
Yep.. they only make the foot long variety any more. :ROFLMAO:

Then we have the upcoming generation of youngsters who mostly likely respond with: "wutz a ruler?"

My response would be: "that is a stick I used to use to rap my 8 track tape player with to get it to stop skipping, and when not used for that, I put it under one leg of my turntable to address a weird wobble when it plays an LP for me. I guess I could also use my old slide rule".

Kid's response: "wutz a slide rule??"

My response: "it's a log/linear calculator, made of bamboo and plastic."

Kid's follow-up: Do u charge it with a USB cable, or do u have to put batteries in the slide rule? And, wut size batteries?

· Premium Member
2017 CRV Touring - Pearl White w Black Interior
9,585 Posts
The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10.
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $30,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $3000
"Well, please let me have $3000 now". The teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her.
The old lady put $10 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.

The moral of this tale .......
Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
(y)(y) for the old lady. :)

You know.. one time I went into my bank many years ago.. and asked to withdraw $5000 from one of my accounts. The teller refused, stating that they did not allow more than a $1000 withdrawal, due to limited currency on hand in the vault. I suggested that she talk with her floor manager and make an exception for me. She refused. So, I asked to see her manager, who promptly stopped by to talk with me. I explained the issue, and the manager backed the teller. So.. I said no problem, I will just take my business to another bank, please immediately close all my accounts (I had several accounts with a collective balance of over $20K) and issue me a cashiers check for the total balance so I can go open accounts with a competitor that treats customers with more respect. I also asked for the phone number of the branch manager of this bank as well as their regional VP. The Manager showed a stressed look on her face, and then took me over to her desk in the lobby, and promptly asked me to write a check on my account for cash for $5000 and delivered me the requested cash.

NEVER let a bank brow beat you over their alleged policies when the money in your account is yours, not theirs. (y)
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