Fixed it with a refurbished ECU (with the data copied from the old ECU) and it only cost £180 which was much cheaper than I’d expected.
The issue had become so bad, I was sat in the car for 15 mins waiting for it to start, the last month its been impossible to start the car, the ignition lights refused to come on.
Even though I was looking for the or pgmfi relay, the symptoms were also showing that the ECU was not talking to the OBD tool. So when you search for problems with the CR-V‘s ECU, one of the common complaints is the ECU not communicating. I spoke to a few ECU specialists and they also confirmed that a cloned ECU should fix the starting issue.
I eventually found the location of the ECU... it was on the sidewall of the passenger footwell. First you need to remove glovebox, blower motor harnesses and the whole air blower housing unit (one nut holding it onto the bulkhead was a nightmare to gain access to). At one point you have to cut part of the lower dash in order to get the blower motor out, but don’t worry, it screws back in and it’s under the glovebox door.
instructions are on post #8 on here
Blower / air con / fan high pitch noise
Then the ECU was easily accessible and easy to remove.
I sent the ECU off to these guys in Plymouth:
Cartech Electronics Ltd they cloned the ECU to a refurb one and and sent it back, all for £180. ...it arrived 30 mins ago, so I plugged in the ECU and the car starts normally once again. all ignition lights are showing ,it’s started 10 times in a row and I’m over the moon with it!