I think this Forum needs a Joke section.

Sure a list of European cars is enough?

😁

 

In Washington DC, outside the Senate and House Office buildings in the parking lot across the street ; a Congressman is on his hands and knees. A group of Senators and Congressmen see him and ask "what are you doing?"

He responds "I lost my car key - I am looking for them"

Soon there are 30 Congressmen and 20 Senators on their hands and knees looking for the keys.

A few minutes later a secretary comes by and asks "what is going on?"

One replies - "the Congressman lost his keys?"

The secretary ask "are you sure you lost them here?"

"No" replies the Congressmman " I lost them in the alley over there - the light is so much better over here."

 

"No" replies the Congressmman " I lost them in the alley over there - the light is so much better over here."

Clearly, fully qualified to run for office.

 

Did you hear ?
They'er not making 12 inch rulers any longer.

 

Yep.. they only make the foot long variety any more.

Then we have the upcoming generation of youngsters who mostly likely respond with: "wutz a ruler?"

My response would be: "that is a stick I used to use to rap my 8 track tape player with to get it to stop skipping, and when not used for that, I put it under one leg of my turntable to address a weird wobble when it plays an LP for me. I guess I could also use my old slide rule".

Kid's response: "wutz a slide rule??"

My response: "it's a log/linear calculator, made of bamboo and plastic."

Kid's follow-up: Do u charge it with a USB cable, or do u have to put batteries in the slide rule? And, wut size batteries?

 

 

So time for some Q&A word jokes.... so let's get them rolling....

What do you call a boomerang that never returns?

A stick, of course!

 

I know ONE forum member that will appreciate this!

 

The new Mendoza line... it's not .200 anymore, it's .050!

 

I suggested to my wife that she should embrace her failures ------ She gave me a big hug !!

Guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians ? ---- Everyone !!

My new girlfriend told me I'm terrible in bed. I told her it's unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute !!

 

A friend of mine bumped into a optician's lens grinding machine. He made a Spectacle of himself.

 

 

I'm not a shark... but... been there... done that... and probably the same look on my face too.

So happy to have a LEGO free home now days.... at least until my daughter inflicts some grand children on us.

 

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he left for college ?
Bison.

 

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer

bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

 

A kid showed up at the door this morning asking for a donation for the new swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

 

What.. no two glass minimum by the kid? Rookie mistake.

 

 

No probably about it.

 

 

The line needs a sinker on it......;-)

 

 

 

Had to walk through 3" thick orange shag carpeting to select one of the 3 available channels, too.

 

 

 

Doggy slobber included at no extra charge.

 

I kept wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger.......
Then it hit me.

 

HAH!!!!!!!HA-HA-ha......... it took me minute.😂

 

Saw this on another forum-

Tell me what this is about- if you know???

(Hint..... the younger crowd may get it...I am 74 and I got it)

Edit: anyone get this?

 

Anybody get this one????

 

 

 

HHAAAAAHHhahhahah!!!!!!!!!

 

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10.
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, you have $30,000 in your account and the bank doesn't have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $3000
"Well, please let me have $3000 now". The teller then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her.
The old lady put $10 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.

The moral of this tale .......
Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.

 

for the old lady.

You know.. one time I went into my bank many years ago.. and asked to withdraw $5000 from one of my accounts. The teller refused, stating that they did not allow more than a $1000 withdrawal, due to limited currency on hand in the vault. I suggested that she talk with her floor manager and make an exception for me. She refused. So, I asked to see her manager, who promptly stopped by to talk with me. I explained the issue, and the manager backed the teller. So.. I said no problem, I will just take my business to another bank, please immediately close all my accounts (I had several accounts with a collective balance of over $20K) and issue me a cashiers check for the total balance so I can go open accounts with a competitor that treats customers with more respect. I also asked for the phone number of the branch manager of this bank as well as their regional VP. The Manager showed a stressed look on her face, and then took me over to her desk in the lobby, and promptly asked me to write a check on my account for cash for $5000 and delivered me the requested cash.

NEVER let a bank brow beat you over their alleged policies when the money in your account is yours, not theirs.

 

 

When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?

When it becomes apparent